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Stucked with my own feeling.
So hye guys :')
Its been a while and I'm not happy with my life.
I've been dreaming about Shah lately... Many things happen and I'm stress !
A few days ago, I dreamt about Shah and when I woke up, I found myself pulling the bed sheet. Yknow, like releasing my anger. Then, I read my old Whatsapp's conversations with Shah. Look at his pictures. Listened to our songs and cried... I miss him a lot. After that, I searched for my praying veil's bag and when I opened it, I found something. Something that I've been searching for ages ! It's a name tag I ordered written there Ariff Gotcha. Man ! I was like #$&@! . That name tag was missing before and when I told my twin, Shi, she said "Baguslah! Tu maksudnya kauorang tak ada jodoh!" And , it is out of the blue ! Why do I found it now ?!
Since then, I treated Mamat just like a special friend. He always ask me whats wrong. And the same lie I'll always tell him, Nothing's wrong. He's my boyfriend dude !
I'm sick of all this ! I should get over him ! Why am I still expecting him to be the one when he don't ?! He ruined everything ! He wasted his second chance. And do I still expect him to love me ? Fuck. This is all a mistake. I have someone who loves me but why can't I open my eyes ?! I should open my heart for Mamat. I should give him a chance. I can. I know I can. I just need some space to be alone. I just need some time. Thats all .
But honestly, I CANT GO ON MY LIFE WITHOUT SHAH.