Assalamualaikum 

First of all, Salam Ramadhan guys ! Oh wait, I'm not too late right ? Hihi. Lagi 2 more days nk masuk bulan Syawal but now baru aku sibuk nk wish. Haha. Well, budak busy dengan trial PMR kan. Hihi. So, talking about trial, gosh ! Some of the papers were so freaking tough. And now, aku rasa macam dekattttttttttttt sangat dengan PMR. But, since we're going to celebrate Hari Raya Aidilfitri this next two days, I'm gonna hv fun though its just fr a while.

So back to the title. I'm trying my best to move on without, you know, Shah. Cause yknow wht, I'm feeling stupid fr waiting him. He's happy with his life and why am I stupid enough to be sad. Right ? I'm just too tired of all this. The name tag I bought for him, heh, I've break it into pieces and gave it to Farahin. Burn it for me sayang. I realised something you know. The name tag was written 'Ariff Gotcha'. Gotcha... Gotcha... Got-Cha... Got Cha...

Haha. So what ? I've decided to move on and I won't be stupid enough to be moving back. Oh and yeah. A bitch met me and asked about Shah. Looks like you're interested in him. Go on. Yes, I was jealous before but now, nahh. Theres no use of being jealous :)

So rather than being sad, I'm going to be happy and I'm gonna live my young life cause we're only young once 

Oh btw, I wanna tell you what happened when I was answering my English Paper 2 for the trial. I've NEVER been so scared when answering any English questions but suddenly I was so scared to answer the trial question though I knew what the answer is, I'm still afraid. And the time I was searching fr the points fr the last section ((summary)), my stomach hurts badly and I was like so freaking crazy in there. Thank God, there were still time left and so, I rushed to le' toilet and went back into the classroom and finish my summary.

Lastly, for the upcoming Eid, I wish all of you Happy Eid and May Allah bless you. Ramadhan will be missed. I seek for fogiveness frm all of you. Feel free to come to my house for Hari Raya. All of you are invited to my house. If I'm going to make any Open House, I'll inform you guys. So bye and Assalamualaikum 

Assalamualaikum.

So now, I'm not-so-happy with my life. People around me are affecting my life. I just can't make my own desicion cause whenever I'm about to make a desicion and someone says something, I'll change me mind. I just can't let people down. I don't know how to say 'NO'. I keep on making people around me happy when me, myself are not.

There was once when I made my final desicion and I'm really sure about it and I told it to 'x' . She said something that changed my mind. I just can't make any desicion ! People around me are the one who runs my life. Not me.

When I've decided someting that is right for me and someone came and told me that I was about to make a wrong desicion and I followed what that 'someone' said and think that it is right when actually it is not. Get it ? Hm.

Honestly, I'm not happy with Mamat. No ! Its not that he treats me badly or what. He's nice. Understanding. He NEVER scolds me. He understands my situation. He's.......... He's not the one. He's just not the one. I've tried and I can't. I just can't. He loves me. I know he do. But I don't. I don't love him... I know if I ever let him go, I WON'T find someone like him. I know that. But what do you expect ? He's happy when I'm around. But I'm not. Do you expect me to sacrifice everything ? Lie my own feelings. Says 'I love you' when actually I'm not ? I don't want to make him sad. Is it okay if I let him go ? It is now or later. I'm afraid he'll love me more than now in future and it will be harder and I'm gonna feel pity for him.

I've sacrificed lots of things. I make others happy and let me, myself, hurt.....

No one understands me. NO ONE. I'm just...... just..... not happy with my life now.

Mamat. He's happy with his life. I know he is. The way he acts I know he is. But I'm not. He trusts me. He loves me. But.... Hm. I need a shoulder. Really really really need one :'(

Assalamualaikum.
So hye guys :')

Its been a while and I'm not happy with my life.

I've been dreaming about Shah lately... Many things happen and I'm stress !

A few days ago, I dreamt about Shah and when I woke up, I found myself pulling the bed sheet. Yknow, like releasing my anger. Then, I read my old Whatsapp's conversations with Shah. Look at his pictures. Listened to our songs and cried... I miss him a lot. After that, I searched for my praying veil's bag and when I opened it, I found something. Something that I've been searching for ages ! It's a name tag I ordered written there Ariff Gotcha. Man ! I was like #$&@! . That name tag was missing before and when I told my twin, Shi, she said "Baguslah! Tu maksudnya kauorang tak ada jodoh!" And , it is out of the blue ! Why do I found it now ?!

Since then, I treated Mamat just like a special friend. He always ask me whats wrong. And the same lie I'll always tell him, Nothing's wrong. He's my boyfriend dude !

I'm sick of all this ! I should get over him ! Why am I still expecting him to be the one when he don't ?! He ruined everything ! He wasted his second chance. And do I still expect him to love me ? Fuck. This is all a mistake. I have someone who loves me but why can't I open my eyes ?! I should open my heart for Mamat. I should give him a chance. I can. I know I can. I just need some space to be alone. I just need some time. Thats all .

But honestly, I CANT GO ON MY LIFE WITHOUT SHAH.

Assalamualaikum
So now, everyone knows that Shah is my EX- . And , Alhamdullilah I can go through my days without him. With the help of this someone special that is now, officially my boyfriend. We've started dating daysssssss ago but I'm not ready to tell this to anyone since we've just known each other. Who is this guy actually ? Okay, do you remember Mamat ? I've mentioned his name for a few times in my blog. He's Daus' friend. Remember him ? He's the one and Alhamdullilah we haven't have any fights yet and I really really hope we won't.

Last week, we met and dated somewhere around Taman Daya. It's a secret place :) Time flies so fast. I miss him already now.

Next topic

Yusz Daniel. He's one of my guy-best-friend. He finally found someone that can replace 'her' . May your relationship with Nabiella lasts forever. Take a good care of her. And andd, don't forget me please T.T Hihi.

Farahin. Dah getback ? Didn't tell me ? Great job :') hihi. Nvm . I get it I get it. Don't worry sayang, I'm okay. Stop worrying okay. Its not that I'll hate you. Chill out baby :**

So, overall, I'm happy with my new life. New book. New chapter. New everything. Pray for my success. 8A's in my PMR and success in life. InsyaAllah. Amin. Thanks guys. May Allah bless all of you :*

Assalamualaikum.

Last Friday, 5th of April.

My relationship with Mohd. Arif Shah has ended. Now I know that giving him a second chance was a total mistake. But, let bygones be bygones. Thanks for 5 months and 14 days. I really really appreciate it. At first, it does hurt but then, I realise that I was kind of stupid for letting him in and trusted him. He taught me to not believe in people easily. Thanks for that. I wont do the same mistake again. Thanks for everything Mohd. Arif Shah bin Mohd. Azmi .

Thursday , 28th March 2013

Okay , aku pergi bandar freehair . Ya Allah , aku pun tak tahu apesal aku boleh nak freehair pulak tiba tiba . Hmm , actually , aku saja nak buat perangai . Ye lah kann , tengah angin dengan boyfriend . Tu yang buat perangai tu . Then masa kat cs tu , aku jumpa Syahira Samad . Wuwuwuwu . Dia comelllllllll :* Then , jumpa Daus , Mamat and Apis . First time nampak Daus , aku tak percaya itu dia ! Sumpah keding ! Never thought dia sekeding itu ! Lol ! But seriously ! Dia keding sangat sangat sangattttttttt xD Kay then, aku jlan dengan Mamat . Apis kelakar gila ! Asyik buat lawak je siaa ! Memang tak sah kalau tak ketawa . Then kitaorang pergi dekat arcade . Shi main game kereta tu dengan Mamat . Then , kitaorang tengok Apis main game kereta tu dengan budak cina mana entah . Shi tengah duduk dengan Daus . And , Mamat ajak aku main bola . Wuwuwuwwu . Aku pun ikutlah dia . Then kitaorang jalan jalan jalan and jalan .

Shi ajak pergi Segget Cafe . Masa tengah jalan tu , Ketiga tiga jantan tu keluar kan rokok . Aku amik rokok yang ada dekat Mamat and Shi suruh patahkan . So aku pun patahkan lah . Suddenly phone aku bunyi . Aku pergi jauh sikit and answer . But tak ada orang cakap . Aku matikan and pergi tempat tadi balik . And guess what ? Tiga tiga tengah isap rokok . Aku tahan je bau natang beruk tuhh -,- Nasib baik tak lekat dekat baju aku . Fuhh !

So , kitaorang pun jalan lah towards Segget Cafe tu . Dekat situ , Shi merajuk dengan Daus . So aku and Shi duduk dekat meja belakang . Shi text Syahira suruh datang situ and a few minutes later , dia pun sampai . Then , Daus ajak pergi karaoke . Aku pun okay je lahh . Aku ingat karaoke kat situ je . Rupa rupanya dekat ANGSANA ! Kepala daddy awak semua lah ! Means , kena naik motor ! Haihhh . Aku dah lah lemah bab bab naik motor niiiiii >< Masa tengah nak pergi dekat tempat diaorang parking motor tu , Shi pimpin tangan Daus . Tangan dia lagi satu pimpin tangan aku . Then dia hulur tangan aku dekat Mamat . Mamat pun sambut and pegang tangan aku . Kitaorang pimpin tangan sampai dekat tempat parking tuu . Babi siaaaaaa Shi niiii ! Ya ALLAH haiiiih ><

Masa dah sampai dekat tempat diaorang park motor diaorang . Mamat pakai kan aku helmet . Sweet tak ? Ecececeh ! Hahaha ! xD Lepastu masa nak naik motor tu , aku dengar Daus ada cakap dekat Mamat , "Kau bawak perlahan lahan ehh" Hahaha . Mesti Shi suruh . Lol . Aku tahu Shi sayang aku :3 weyhhhhh . Aku dahlah tak pandai naik motor nii T.T Then naik motor sampai dekat Angsana . Dah turun , aku suruh Shi bukakan helmet . And tiba tiba , diaorang cakap , tak jadi . Pergi dekat Tiram . Aku dahlah dah bukak helmet . Nak pakai lagi dah satu masalah . Haihh . Then , aku cakap kat Mamat "Kalau saya tak pakai benda ni boleh tak ?" "Kalau awak nak kena saman, takpayah lah pakai ..." "Alaaaaa. Macam mana nak pakai benda ni ?" Then dia amik and pakai kan aku . Lepastu aku pun naik motor . Jauh perjalanan :3 Sampai dekat Tiram, aku bukak helmet sendiri . Bangga youu :3

Shi dengan Daus dah naik dulu nak pilih bilik . Mamat suruh aku naik dulu tapi aku cakap aku taknak . Ye lahh , taknak aku kacau diaorang :D Bila Mamat dah siap , aku naik atas dengan dia and Apis . Dekat dalam tu , kedudukan dia from kiri is , Mamat , aku , Apis , Daus , Shi . Mula muka aku memang tak nak nyanyi . Ye lah , lagu melayu . Aku kurang tahu sikit . Then , Shi pilih lagu Wish You Were Here by Avril Lavigne and Good Tme by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen . Next song is Acha Sepstriasa's song . Ada Cinta . Masa aku dengan Shi nyanyi , Daus and Apis suruh Shi diam . So dia pun diam . Aku pun terjerit that sounds like this "woiii ! Kenpa diam ?! Wa tak tahu rentak lah weyhhhhhhh!" And diorang semua gelak gelak . Lol . Mamat rapatkan muka dia dekat aku and nyanyi sekali . Macam nak guide aku rentak lgu tu lah . Hihikk :D Masa diaorang tengah nyanyi tu , Mamat tanya aku , "Ni dah ada boy ke belum ni " Aku fake smile and angguk . Then dia cakap "Oh . Saya tak kacau orang yang dah ada boyfriend" And after that , dia macam lain gila ! Dia macam duduk termenung je . Aku pun ajak Shi keluar . Aku cerita dekat dia and dia cakap apende entah . Masa aku and Shi masuk , diaorang tengah karok lagu Changed The Way You Kiss . Bising gila and semua tengah dance kat dalam tu . Dah macam kat private club dah :3 Then masa aku jalan tu , aku tunduk and terlanggar kepala Mamat yang masatu tengah dance ! Serious sakit ! And then , dia gosokkan kepala aku :D And sambung dance balik -,- Then Shi ajak Mamat keluar and cakap apende entah .

Masatu dah pukul berapa entah and Shi and me have to go home no matter what ! Masa turun tu , boleh pulak hujan ! Oh my myyyyyy :O Kitaorang pun tunggu sekejap . Aku snapkan gambar Shi and Daus . Ada sekali tu , aku tengah betul kan fake lashes Shi . And siapa entah tanya . Apis kott . Dia tanya "apa tuuu?" and Mamat jawab "tu eyeshadow" dengan bangganya aku gelak macam orang gila dekat situ ! XD Then Apis kata "eyeshadow tu dekat bawah" lagi gila aku gelak ! Hahahahahahaha ! Lepastu aku cakaplah "Fuck... Eh salah salah ! Fake lashes" Apis tanya , "hah ? Apa tu ?" "bulu mata palsu lahh" aku jawab and dia cakap "ohh . Ingatkan mencarut..." siallah !! Hahah ! Masa nak gerak tu , Mamat kasi aku pakai jacket dia . Shi dah pakai dulu dah Daus punya jacket . Lepas aku pakai jacket tu , Mamat cakap , "haa zip lahh" lepastu aku pun zip separuh je . And Mamat betulkan kolar jacket tu and tolong zip kan sampai atas . Terharu actually . Hmm . Then dia pakaikan helmet . Oh ohh ! Before aku lupa , Shi ada sepak Daus dekat dia punya tetttttt tapi tak kena . Kena dekat kaki Daus . Just imagine kalau kena dekat Daus punya tuu . Senak dia ! xD hahahaha ! Then diaorang hantar kitaorang balik . So , selamat sampai rumah Shi . Aku rasa serba salah sebenarnya . Everything yang aku buat dengan Mamat , aku rasa happy but , aku rasa yang aku ni jahat sangat ! How could I hold his hand and act like sweet couples with him and NOT SHAH ! Ya Allah , tenangkan lah hati aku . Aku teringat plan yang Shi suruh aku buat . Untuk seminggu jangan text or call Shah . Aku kena lawan ego aku . Shi cakap , kalau dia text aku dulu , baru aku text dia balik . Tapi sampai sekarang dia tak text aku . Aku kecewa dengan Shah . And selama beberapa hari ni lah , Mamat teman aku . Aku rasa sekarang ni , macam Mamat boyfriend aku . Bukan Shah . Hmm . Ye lah , kalau aku tak reply text Mamat , dia terus call tanya kenapa . Kalau Shah , aku tak reply , dia tak buat apa apa pun. Nanti dah lama sikit baru dia text lagi . Hmm :<

Sometimes aku rasa I have to let Shah go . But , when I think about us again , I think , I shouldn't . Aku serabut . Hm . Pray for me guys . Pray for us :')

Assalamualaikum .

Okay . Aku tengah tak tentu arah sekarang ni . Keep on crying lately . Hmm . So let me tell you the whole story .

Last Wednesday , aku tidur rumah Shi and aku call Shah sebab nak tanya dia pasal esok . Ye lahh , nak pergi date kan . Hihi . Then , dia tak boleh pergi . Just imagine , tak macam aku angin gila pulak kan ! Dah lah lepas ni aku dah tak boleh nak keluar selalu . Ye lah kann , budak nak PMR . Ya ALLAH . Aku geram sangat masatu . Dia kat Pahang and ada family day . So dia tak balik . Dia cerita dekat aku pasal perempuan pakai bikini semua tu masa dia kat pantai mana entah . Sumpah aku menyirap gila ! Ya ALLAH , aku sabar lagi . Then dia cakap dia taknak balik sebab ramai perempuan pakai bikini dekat situ . Okay , aku geram ! Then aku jauh kan phone aku sikit and mengadu dekat Shi yang masatu tengah baring dekat sebelah aku . Ye lah kan , dah geram sangat . Aku tak boleh nak pendam lama lama . Then dia terdengar . Dia cakap "Pehhhh , dekat sini cakap kat sana pun cakap kann . Perghh" Then dia terus matikan ! Kau tahu tak masatu aku buat 131 and tak sampai 20 minit pun kitaorang cakap dia dah matikan ! Ya ALLAH , aku sangat sangat sangatttttttt geram masatu ! Aku terus baling phone . Teburai phone gua derrr . Rasa macam nak nangis gila gila tapi aku tahan . Then Shi cakap , macam macam kat aku . Nak sejuk kan hati aku . Dia dengan laki dia , Daus pun tengah nyirap dengan Shah . Shi cakap , esok keluar , aku jalan dengan Mamat . Member Daus . Then masa aku on handphone aku balik , satu text pun tak ada from Shah . Call ? Lagi lah ! Haram ! Then , aku tak fikir apa dah . Aku dengan Shi cari cari baju untuk pakai esok and sebelum tidur tu , feeling feeling sikit dengar lagu :3 Wait for Part 2 guyss :**

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